my attempt at explaining these last 9 months

So I land in the great U.S. of A. TOMORROW!!! With all the feelings and emotions flooding every part of me right now, I decided the best way to attempt to put my thoughts, feelings, and memories into words would be to go country by country and give summaries/themes of my time there. I’m still trying to process and understand everything so hang tight because this might be all over the place.

Costa Rica: What feels like a lifetime ago, Costa Rica is where we began. Scared, excited, clueless, and hungry, we dove in head first at the daycare/feeding program we worked with. My team and I quickly fell for the kids there and their passion for jumprope and coloring very soon became our’s as well. We knew minimal Spanish and they spoke about 5 words in English so it was an interesting time in the classroom, charades was the name of the game and we became pros. This is where I saw my first healing and sang worship songs in different languages (that ended up being my favorite thing about every country… EVERY TONGUE!) This was an all-squad country so that meant living with 50 people in a house for three months. What a time. I never knew how much of an introvert I am or how much I love being alone until it was physically impossible for me to ever be by myself outside of the bathroom and sometimes not even then. We lived in the city but still got to see some of the jungle and beautiful beaches. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, those were a really hard three months. It was a lot of figuring out what the race is going to be like and a lot of introduction to what God was going to do in me. Everything was still so new to me and I thought I was never going to go back to the states. I was scared to be completely myself because I felt like there was so much God needed to change in me before I could be real and not have to hide the parts of me I don’t want people to know. So I tried that for two months, became absolutely exhausted and sad and decided that was not the way to go. The last moth in Costa Rica was the best; I really chose into my team and ministry and started to be unapologetically myself. I missed home a little less everyday ( I was crazy homesick the first two months) and was REALLY looking forward to South Africa.

South Africa: Simply the best. We lived in a little suburb right outside of Johannesburg with the guys’ team for these three months. My brother is my best friend in the world and I miss him eryday and I’m not the girliest of girls so living with my team of all girls had been very very hard for me to adjust to so I was really excited to be living with all nine of my new brothers! We worked with an organization called Impact Africa and WOW what a life changing three months they were. Mon-Fri we went into squatter camps and had conversations with people about life, our different backgrounds, and always Jesus. South Africans are extremely spiritual people and are very open to it in whatever form you present it. They worship ancestors, witch doctors, idols, you name it and they will pray to it. Many of them knew about Jesus and some worshipped him as one of their gods but we got the chance to introduce to the real capital G God, the only true God. They would ask questions about scripture or my faith and I had the best time explaining why I believe what I do and who God is to me and sometimes God even let me be the one to lead their heat back to him. We prayed for healings and God showed up again and again. We got to teach in high schools and preschools and put on children’ programs every Friday. I could run any VBS ever now. All that to say, ministry was absolutely amazing, humbling, growing, draining, and life changing. It made me more firm in my beliefs and made me dive deeper into scripture and find out who God is to me as a friend, father, and shepherd. My team was as close as we’ve ever been. The enemy didn’t like that. We were attacked day and night spiritually and sometimes physically. The Lord was letting us be apart of some major Kingdom movements and Satan did everything he could to stop it but we knew we were fighting a battle that was already won. South Africa was when I found out who I am and started learning how to love her. Self confidence has always been my absolute biggest struggle but I learned how to kill comparison, look in the mirror and see a beloved and intimate masterpiece of the Father, and thank God for making me exactly the way he did, quirks and all. Every time I think back on those three months, my word is identity. 

Thailand/Myanmar: The home stretch. We got to see our parents for a week at the very end of South Africa so that was my fuel going into my last three months in Asia. It made me want to be home with them but also gave me just enough of home to make it through until June. We lived in the city of Chiang Mai in Thailand for two months and did manual labor with two different ministries. Painting the same four walls three times for six hours a day seemed so pointless when it comes to bringing Kingdom and it was hard not to feel like I could/should be doing something more. The second month we worked at a home for women coming out of crisis situations where we shoveled and wheelbarrowed dirt everyday until our muscles gave out and worked in the mushroom house where I learned so much more than I ever cared to know about mushroom growth and harvesting. I sweat more than I breathed and tried not to gag from my own stench while asking God what the heck I was doing there. I finally realized the importance of being obedient in the small things  and learning to love my role in the body. It was a sweaty couple months but I ended up loving it a lot and appreciating all the alone time I had with my thoughts and in prayer. I’m not much of a city girl so that was a little rough for me and I had to try a lot harder to see God in all the buildings and business and noise as opposed to the beauty of nature and sunsets and starry night skies. It was a time of learning how to find God (because he really is ALWAYS right in front of me) where I wasn’t comfortable and his presence and beauty wasn’t as obvious to me as I was used to. Our last month was spent in Myanmar where we worked at a children’s home for orphans and kids with unlivable home lives. These 22 children and the parents that were raising them were the most incredible example of a life lived by faith and not by sight. The parents quit their jobs to keep these kids full time and fully rely on the Father for every single need and have never been let down. It’s so beautiful. The fed us like royalty and we felt the Lord’s goodness and abundance and undeserved love through them every single day. It was by far the hottest and sweatiest month of the race and the power was out half the time but also probably one of my favorites. Our team held tightly to one another as the days flew by way too fast and our last few weeks together came too quickly to an end. 

We headed back to Chiang Mai for final debrief for a few days where we did some much needed processing and had the sweetest squad time. At final banquet we received superlatives and celebrated and honored all of our leadership team! We said all our goodbyes to our amazing mentor and coaches and loaded up on a bus this morning to take us to Bangkok for the night. We fly out to San Francisco in the morning and land in the afternoon. I’m spending a couple days there and then HELLO SAN ANGELO, TEXAS YEE YEE!!! 

I’ll have more to say about my alumni team leading journey coming up so soon! But for now, thank you thank you thank you for supporting me and keeping up with this amazing season I was so blessed to walk through. 2018-2019 Gap Year World Racer OUT